Happy Hey! You're still Alive Day!

So here's something to ponder...

I was thinking about Birthdays and what they actually mean. I mean the word Birth Day actually means that you celebrate the day of your birth right!? And really, the day of your birth shouldn't mean you get presents and cards and shit faced! No! It means your mum should get to do all that. She's the one that pushed you out of her snatch/stomach after all!

So this is what I propose. We get rid of Mother's Day all together! Its a marketing ploy to really make us forget what we're most thankful for our mums for. Replace it with the Birth Day, a day where we can see our mums, sit down next to them on the couch with a nice cuppa and watch the exact moment your head squeezed its way past her vag! Nawwwwww....so meaningful.....

"Um Lu...I still need to get presents, cards and shit faced on an annual basis!" I hear you say!

Well, if you shut up and keep reading the blog you'd see Im about to tell you what we can replace it with...geeeeez...

We replace your boring old Birthday with......... "Hey! You're still alive Day!"  

Yeap! Cause really, thats what we're celebrating....another year where you've managed to run with scissors and not fall onto them. Another year you've cheekily crossed the road without looking both ways. And another year your liver has managed to process the retarded amounts of alcohol you drown it in. HIGH FIVE LIVER!! YEAH!!! 

Friends and Family can come together on your special day and say "Whoa, another year huh? Wow! The doctors said you'd only live to be 2 and retarded but way to prove them wrong sport!"

The details will go like this, once its been made official you will have to fill out a form with your name, your address, the presents you've always wanted but never got and your new Hey! You're Still Alive date. This can be any date in the calendar year or Chinese new year....whatever your preferences. After choosing, that's your official day of celebration and you can carry on with surviving until that day. 

If you do decide that you don't really want anymore Hey! You're Still Alive days then you can end it by sending in a form with your name, your address, what you want it to say on your tombstone and your new Hey! You're Not Alive Anymore date. This will officially become the date your dead and you can carry on with being dead etc etc....

In conclusion Mr. Speaker.....get rid of Mothers Day, replace it with Birth Day. Then, make "Hey! You're Still Alive day a real thing. =D Thank You and Goodnight.

                                                    

Just some examples for Hallmark to look at.