Evil Hot Cheese

It started out as your normal 12:45 lunch. All I had was bread, vegemite and cheese...obviously now I know that they are the tools of Satan! Here is my story. 

So I toast my bread, take it out of the toaster, put some vegemite and cheese on a slice of bread and whack it in the toaster oven for a few mins...a few mins turned into a few more mins...I poked at the cheese a couple of times...see I thought I was just taking out the bubbles.....clearly I was only stirring the beast within the cheese. I take it out of the toaster oven and eat. 

 BUT WHATS THIS?? Evil Hot Cheese doesnt want to be consumed into my mouth, follow the enchantment lane of my swallow area and into the sweet pools of stomach acid?? Out of no where....Evil Hot Cheese decides to envoke his Super Mega Powers he clearly got from the Kraft Factory. 

With his Super Mega Powers initiated I was helpless. The cheese took one look at my tongue and chose it as its sacrifice to the Hot Cheese Gods. It lays its creamy rich, yet only 2% fat content body on my tongue like a blanket of fire.

My brain says "Wooo wait, we're getting a message from the tongue!" 
A hush falls over the rest of my brain...silence....and then....
"FFFUUUUCCCCKKK...WTF!?......I'M ON FIRE!"


For some reason my brain told my tongue that it would be ok and then like a jerk sent massive amounts of burn pain to my tongue...**THANKS BRAIN!
This is a almost 100% accurate picture of what my tongue looked like.

Clearly there is no known cure for a burnt tongue by the Evil Hot Cheese but all I could do was the most obvious and clear remedy..... 

Unfortunately my tongue didn't make it through the night. I feel like it had more to do with the fact that Liv Tyler was in the room and wouldn't leave. Fucking Liv Tyler!